Journey to the North Pole
by skyler00
Summary: Lan and gang go and find the truth about Christmas.
1. The Lie

Chapter 1: The Truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

 _Twas some time before Christmas when all through Dentech city._

 _Every single soul was being nice, but one brat was being naughty._

 _Lan Hikari was in his parents room- through their closet he was snooping._

 _When really he should be doing his homework or even pooping._

"Ugh. Where's my gameboy advance? I know mom always hides it in here."

"Maybe you should do your homework Lan," nagged Megaman. "She wouldn't try to hide it from you if you had good grades and didn't spend all your time-"

"Blah blah blah Megaman. The only time my brain is on is when I'm stimulated by games," retorted Lan. "I mean seriously, what's the point of learning algebra?"

"Uhm... actually. Algebra has a lot of important applications-"

"Huh? What's this?"

Lan grabbed a box wrapped in red paper with Christmas trees on it. "Oh... my... Duo. From Santa... to Lan."

The naive boy brought the box downstairs and yelled, "Mom! Mom! Santa came early this year! I this in your closet!"

Ms. Hikari looked at Lan, "Oh dear... Lan what were you doing in my closet?"

"It's not important. What's important is that Santa is going to give me two presents this year right?"

"Uhm... about that..."

"Honey I'm home! Did you make me a sandwich?" Mr. Hikari had just entered the house. "Oh. Honey you gave him our present already?"

"Our," asked Lan. "What do you mean our?"

Mr and Ms. Grinch- I mean Hikari- looked at each other and sighed, "Lan there's something we have to tell you. Santa's not real."

"Hahaha. Please guys. I'm not THAT stupid."

"We're serious Lan. We're the ones who read your wish list to Santa. We eat the disgusting cookies and drink the expired milk that you leave out for Santa. We're the ones that gave you a picture of Mayl's face photoshopped onto a naked Dora the Explorer." 

"Wait what? No. You're lying. That was an actual naked picture of Mayl that Santa gave me."

"We also gave you some of your mom's underwear and said it was Mayl's."

Lan covered his ears. "No! It's a lie!"

He ran upstairs and grabbed some bra and panties out of his drawer and sniffed it. "It can't be! It does smell like mom's!"

He looked at a tag and saw the words "Lan's mom" scribbled on it. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

***At Mayl's house***

 **Ding Dong.** "Oh hi Lan. W

hat are you doing here this late at night," asked Ms. Sakurai.

Lan dashed upstairs and opened Mayl's door. "Mayl it's horrible!"

"Eek! Lan! What are you doing here," Mayl shrieked as she tried to cover her half-naked self.

Lan grabbed her hands and pulled them down. "Mayl... I just found out that Santa doesn't exist."

"Well of course Santa exists. What are you talking about? How do you get everything you want every year?"

"My parents told me that they read my wish list. Your parents must do the same to you."

Tears streamed down Mayl's face as she rushed down the stairs. "Mom! Dad!" She cried uncontrollably.

Mr. Sakurai put his newspaper down and looked up. "What's wrong dear- O M G! WHY ARE YOU HALF NAKED?"

Mr. Sakurai jumped over the couch and grabbed Lan by the throat. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER YOU SICK WHIPPERSNAPPER!"

"Dad! Lan told me that Santa doesn't exist!"

"Oh. That's why you're crying? I thought you figured that out years ago."

Mayl gasped. "SO YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME ALL THIS TIME?"

Mayl ran upstairs with Lan following her. The two of them hugged each other and cried... that is... until Mayl punched Lan out her room for trying to grope her bra-clad breasts.

***At Chaud's house***

 **Ding Dong... ...Ding Dong... Ding Dong... Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong.**

Chaud stomped down the stairs and growled. "Who the fuck rings the doorbell at 1:47am in the morning?"

He pulled open the door to find Lan and Mayl standing in front of his doorsteps bawling uncontrollably. "Chaud! It's horrible," cried Lan. "We just found out that Santa doesn't exist!"

"Well of course he doesn't fucking exist! Are you guys 2? Is this why you guys woke me up at this ungodly hour? GO HOME!"

Chaud slammed the door shut and turned around. He gasped when he found the two of them standing in front of him crying. "What? How?" 

"Chaud! Please take us to the North Pole! We want to find Santa," cried Mayl.

"Damnit woman! I knew Lan was this stupid but you too? Go home before I call security!"

"Chaud please," cried Lan.

"No! Go away!"

Lan continued crying, "I'm your best friend!"

"No you're not."

"We're brothers!"

"I don't have a brother and your brother's dead."

"We're homies!"

"I don't know what that is."

"Please help us!"

"No!"

"I'll give you a million dollars!"

"You don't even have $5."

"I'll suck your dick!"

"Wait. What?"

"Chaud please!"

"GO HOME! SECURITY!"

Chaud's guards, who inexplicably couldn't prevent Lan and Mayl from trespassing Chaud's gates, came and dragged Lan and Mayl out of the mansion.

Chaud stomped back upstairs and lied on his bed. "Fucking Lan... What the hell was he thinking?"

Chaud sighed and closed his eyes, "Would he really have sucked my dick if I gave him a plane? Pfft. Hell no. I wouldn't give him a plane regardless."

Suddenly, a loud roar could be heard from his backyard. "Wait. What the fuck?"

Chaud jumped out of bed and dashed to his window. "LAN HIKARI!"

Chaud stared out of his window in disbelief as he watched Lan and Mayl piloting one of his planes, while sobbing like 3 year olds. The plane flew away never to be seen again.

"SON OF A BITCH! Protoman! Get me a plane by tomorrow morning! I'm going to chase those mother fuckers down!"

 _So off on and adventure Lan and Mayl go._

 _And soon Chaud, the scrooge, will be caught in their flow._

 _This concludes the first chapter, please send a review._

 _Until next time, this odd author bids you adieu._


	2. Self-Destruct

AN: So I was reading through the last chapter and noticed some mistakes. Sorry about that. It was 3am in the morning and I was in a rush to sleep since I had a final the next day and I wanted to get it out there ASAP since I've been wanting to do a story like that since two Christmases ago. Hopefully this chapter has less typos and mistakes.

Changed this to rating T because I thought it would be more inappropriate, but so far, only thing that looks inappropriate is the cursing, but I don't think that warrants a rating M. Might change back to M if I get too graphic.

Chapter 2: Self-Destruct Buttons for Everybody!

Lan and Mayl had finally stopped crying about Santa being a supposed fake. They had spent a couple hours complaining about how their Christmases up until this point were lies. "What did you ask for during Christmas Lan?"

"Oh… well… you know… stuff… Wha- what did you ask for?"

"Oh. Piano, clothes, and stuff. You know. All that jazz. Oh god…. I can't believe my parents read my wish list."

"Well. Your wish list doesn't seem like a sort of list that you have to hide from your parents. I thought you got your piano for your birthday."

Mayl chuckled nervously, "I got it for Christmas- what are you talking about?"

Lan raised an eyebrow, "Are you okay? You seem nervous."

"Yup! Nothing at all wrong! I'm obviously not lying or anything so why would I be nervous?"

Lan narrowed his eyes, "It almost seems like you asked your parents for something more disgusting. Like someone's underwear or naked pictures of someone."

Mayl laughed hysterically, "Are you kidding me? That sounds like something you would ask for."

Lan blushed. "Hey! Who's the one under interrogation here? Me or you?"

"Well. At least I answered your question and told you what I got for Christmas! What did you ask for?"

Lan gulped, "Well you know… underwear and pictures… and stuff."

"Oh my god! You asked your parents to give you someone's underwear and naked pictures didn't you? And now you're trying to pin it on me!"

"N- no!"

"Whose underwear did you ask for? I never pictured the great Lan Hikari having someone he had a crush on."

Lan blushed madly, "I- I don't have a crush on someone! Love is for losers! Girls have cooties!"

"Uh huh. You stopped believing in cooties since you were four Lan. Tell me about this girl you have a crush on. What's she like? Is she pretty? Do you have a picture of her?"

"I don't know what you're talking about! There's no girl!"

"Oh so it's a guy?"

"HECK NO! You're disgusting!"

"It's okay if you're gay Lan. It's the year 20XX."

"I'm not gay! I like girls!"

"Uh huh. You can't even describe the girl you like."

"Yes I can! She's annoying and nosy, but she's also really nice and fun to be around. Her favorite color is pink."

"A lot of girls like pink Lan. Even I like pink. I haven't seen you hang out with a girl at all, and I've hung out with you quite often."

"Well… you see…" Lan gave a long awkward pause. He stared at Mayl in the eyes and could see her staring back at him, waiting for him to continue. She had on a beautiful smile. Lan gulped and decided it was now or never. "Mayl. The girl I like is y-"

 **Beep! Beep! Beep!**

Lan and Mayl looked at the screen in front of them. "Oh shit! The fuel's running out!"

"Lan look! There's the North Pole up ahead! I think we'll be able to make it!"

Lan sighed, "Alright. That's good. I won't have to let you stay afloat on a door while I suffer in the freezing water like Jack in Titanic."

Mayl sweat-dropped, "Uhm.. Ok. You should lower the plane and get ready to land before we run out of fuel and the plane crashes."

"Wait. I don't know how to land a plane. Do you know how to land a plane?"

"I've never even driven a car! How would I know how to land a plane? You got this plane off the ground! Shouldn't you know how to get it back down?"

"I was just pressing buttons!"

The two of them looked at the dashboard again. They looked at each other then back at the dashboard. The couple started frantically pushing a lot of buttons randomly. "Wait Lan! Don't press that red button!"

 **Boop. Self destruction activated. This plane will now explode in 5 minutes. Please be ready to fucking die.**

"WHY DID YOU PUSH THE SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON?"

"How was I supposed to know it was a self-destruct button?"

"IT WAS A RED BUTTON! UNDER A GLASS CASE! WITH THE WORDS SELF DESTRUCT!"

"Oh… WHY WOULD CHAUD HAVE A SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON ON A PLANE?"

The two of them got up and looked around for something to save them. Lan grabbed a parachute and put it on. "Mayl! I got a parachute!"

"Great! Let's find another parachute!"

"Uhm… I think there's only one parachute. There's a note saying 'Remember to refill parachute'."

Mayl gulped, "Oh no. I guess you won't have to keep me afloat on a door to keep me alive, but you'll have to give me a parachute to save me instead."

"Fuck no! Are you crazy woman? Why would I give YOU a parachute?"

"Because you're a hero, and you want to save me!"

"I want to live woman!"

"Because you're nice, and you know a beautiful girl like me needs to live!"

"Does your dad still tell you you're a beautiful princess every night before you go to sleep? Because I have bad news for you missy."

"Because you love me!"

Lan chuckled nervously, "Ah ha ha. Wh- who told you that? You must be going insane."

"Of course I'm going insane! I'm about to die and YOU WON'T GIVE ME THAT PARACHUTE!"

"Ok! How about this? Hug me tightly!"

"Lan! Just because I like cheesy movies doesn't mean I believe the power of love is going to save us in this situation!"

"No! Hug me tightly and we'll both jump out of this plane together!"

"Oh." Mayl blushed and hugged Lan tightly.

"Mayl wrap your legs around me too. I don't want you to lose your grip and die."

Mayl blushed and wrapped her arms and legs around Lan like a teddy bear. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"Ready?"

"R-Ready."

Lan kicked open the door and jumped out of the plane. Moments later, Lan grabbed Mayl's pants and pulled it down. "Eek! Lan! What are you doing?"

"Sorry! I thought that was the parachute."

Lan grabbed the actual cord for the parachute and pulled it, saving the both of them. Moments later, the plane exploded. Cool guys don't look at explosions.

But Lan isn't cool, so he looked at the explosion. Mayl stared at Lan's face being lightened up by the fiery plane. She thought he looked like a handsome hero, even though it was his fault they were in this predicament in the first place.

The two of them floated down, waiting to land.

***Elsewhere***

Chaud was flying another jet and growling. "Can you believe that Lan stole a plane from me?"

"I can't believe this is not butter," Laika said as he spread some butter over some crackers and ate it.

"Hey. Shut up. Let me continue. Of all the stupid thing he's done so far, this is the stupidliest! I can sue his ass and leave him poor in the streets. I might even be able to make him stay naked the rest of his life! Hey! Are you listening? Laika! Listen to me and my problems! ARE YOU LISTENING?"

Laika was not listening. He was eating crackers and thinking, _Thank goodness this cracker is paying me to chase an easy target down. There's no way in hell I would help him otherwise._

Chaud looked at his jet's dashboard. "Huh. That's weird. Lan's plane disappeared from my radar. We were about 100 miles away from him. I wonder if he clicked the self-destruct button?"

Laika scoffed, "There's no way Lan's that stupid. I mean. I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to add a self-destruct button in your plane, but even if Lan's more stupid than you, I don't think he's THAT stupid."

"Hey! I'm not stupid! You're stupid!"

"I know I am but what are you?"

"… I'm not stupid!"

"You're the one who put a self-destruct button on all your vehicles and property!"

"But they're all heavily guarded," yelled Chaud as he stood up.

Laika stood up also, "How is this button heavily guarded? All you have to do is lift this glass case and press the button like this."

 **Boop. You fucking idiot. You pressed the self-destruct button. This plane will self-destruct in 5 minutes.**

Chaud and Laika stared at the button then at each other. "Holy shit! What did you do?"

"Don't you have an override switch?"

"No!"

"WHY WOULD YOU NOT HAVE AN OVERRIDE SWITCH TO A SELF-DESTRUCT SWITCH?"

Chaud huffed as he walked to the back of the jet and grabbed a parachute. "Well. It's been real. But I'm too important to die today!"

"Wait! You don't have another parachute?"

"No. I forgot to refill them. Good luck in hell with Dr. Regal!"

***Minutes later, on a plane behind Chaud and Laika***

"Holy shit! Did two people just jump off the plane?"

Yai scoffed, "You're seeing things. Why would anyone jump off a plane?"

Dex yelled, "I know what I saw! And I saw two guys jumping off a plane!"

"Is this like the time you thought you saw Lan having a vagina?"

"Hey. That time I was making stuff up so Mayl would stop being in love with Lan."

"Yea. Well… that backfired when Lan pulled out his mini-Lan. I think Mayl fell more in love with him after that."

"Shut up! That's why we're going to your factory in the North Pole so I can get Mayl the bestest present ever!"

"I don't think-"

 **Boom!**

Yai yelped, "Woah! That plane exploded!"

Dex screamed like a little girl… a girl littler than Yai. "We're under attack!"

"No we're not! That plane probably had a self-destruct button or something."

"Who would put a self-destruct button on a plane? That's stupid!"

"Yea. Well. Someone's obviously dumber than you Dex, and you're dumb enough already."

"No one is dumber than me! So that obviously means that plane was shot down!"

As Yai's plane flew over the North Pole, Yai sighed, "That plane was not shot down. You'd need some heavy artillery to shoot down a plane. Why would there be missiles in the North Pole?"

"Yai! Take evasive maneuvers! We're going to die!"

"ARE YOU IN YOUR OWN FANTASY WORLD? NO ONE IS GOING TO SHOOT US DOWN!"

***At a facility at the North Pole***

"Shoot them down," said a mysterious person hidden in the shadows.

"Yes sir," said another person sitting in darkness.

"That's the third plane on its way today. The last two exploded. That means this one is probably meant to hit us first then explode. We need to shoot it down before it hits us. Why haven't you shot it down yet," he said to a group of people, sitting in the shadows.

"Uhm. Sir. We're sitting in the shadows. Can we turn on the lights?"

"No. It makes us look mysterious and ominous."

"But we can't see the buttons we need to press to shoot them down. We might press the self-destruct button."

"Then pray that you push the right button."

They all gulped and stared into the vast empty darkness before one of the figures pressed a button. A missile was shot into the sky, heading towards Yai's plane. They all sighed.

 **Boop. Self-destruction activated. This facility will explode in 1 second. Please make sure you get out of this mysterious dark area and into the light.**

***Back with Lan and Mayl***

Mayl was hugging Lan at the slope of a hill where the base exploded. "What was that this time? Are we really in the North Pole?"

Lan hugged Mayl back. "I think we are. A second plane exploding, a missile shooting down a third plane, and a secret base exploding are all signs that we're at the North Pole."

Mayl screamed, "Lan! Run!"

Lan turned to the place where the base exploded and saw an avalanche coming from that direction. The two of them screamed and ran. "Mayl! Over there!"

Mayl saw a huge sign with an arrow saying, "Run here in case of avalanche."

"Are we really going to trust that sign?"

"We have no choice!"

Lan and Mayl ran to where the sign was and saw that they were standing at the top of a cave. They jumped down and ran into the cave while the avalanche poured over and past them. The two of them sat there wrapping their arms around each other to keep themselves warm. Mayl was wearing a long-sleeved, turquoise, fleece shirt with a tunic and a dark blue, fluffy jacket with a furry hood and a pair of skin-tight faded jeans. She also had on a red, black striped beanie with a pom. Lan was wearing a white sweatshirt with navy blue and baby blue stripes and a pair of black pants. Lan also had on his traditional bandana.

***Back with Chaud and Laika***

The two of them were floating down, with Laika wrapping his arms and legs around Chaud. "I swear. If you tell anyone about this Chaud, I will snipe you down."

"You think I want to tell anyone about this? I'd rather get tortured and die by a bunch of pirates than let anyone know about this!"

The two of them landed on a pirate ship that was passing by chance. "Arg… well what do we have here? Two star-crossed lovers floating down from the sky."

Chaud and Laika widened their eyes and looked around. Chaud gulped at the sight of pirates. "Who are you guys? What are you guys doing at the North Pole?"

Laika nodded, "Yea. Aren't you guys like 700 years too late to join the pirate age?"

"We're here trying to find One Piece and become the pirate king!"

"Oh. You're in the wrong series then."

"You best mind your tongue laddies! You're on our ship. We can easily kill you if we wanted. Luckily for you, we have some services that you two might need you with."

The other pirates laughed and started to take off their clothes.

Chaud and Laika widened their eyes and screamed, "Kyaaa! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chapter 2 end.

AN: This was tremendously longer than the first chapter, but I had to get as much of my ideas out ASAP since I want to finish this by New Years. Hope you liked it! Review! And I'd be happy to hear ideas!


	3. Bears

AN: It seems like my rated M fanfics get more views than my other stories, so this is going to become NSFW, which I do enjoy typing.

Chapter 3: Bears. Scary Scary Bears

"WAAAHHHH! I WANT TO GO HOME," cried Dex.

"Will you shut up," yelled Yai. "I didn't even want to come! Now because you dragged me into this mess, I'm going to die too! I'm just an innocent young princess who still has so much to live for!"

The both of them were floating down on chairs that had a parachute attached to them.

Yai scanned the area beneath them. "Alright. We need to land in that area with black smoke. It looks like some sort of area where there was an explosion. We can go there and gather some supplies to travel."

Dex nodded. "Ok."

Yai thought to herself. _Hmm. That's weird though. I don't remember any other facility in the North Pole except three of my toy factories._

The short bald girl's thoughts were interrupted when they approached the ground. She had ignored the puff of white smoke thinking that it was just rolling fog. Her eyes widened, "OH SHIT! THAT'S AN AVALANCHE!"

The two of them screamed as they sat crosslegged on their chairs. When they hit the ground, the avalanche carried them down a hill, giving them a ride for their lives. They screamed as they were traveling with the flow. The moved their bodies left and right to try and dodge trees and whatever debris the avalanche was going to. A white bunny flew to Yai's face and hugged her for its dear life. "YAHHHHH!"

Yai turned to her right and saw that a bear was sitting on Dex's seat. The bear, too was hugging Dex to stay alive. "YAIIII! THIS BEAR IS PISSING ON ME!"

"NEVER MIND THAT! YOU HAVE A BEAR HUGGING YOU! Hehe. Bear hug."

Yai shook her head at her horrible pun and grabbed the bunny and threw it at the bear, but she missed. Luckily for Dex, out of instinct to grab food, the bear hopped towards the direction of the bunny and both died in the avalanche. RIP. Yai and Dex finally stopped and breathed heavily. Dex looked at Yai and ran towards her, "THANK GOD WE'RE ALIVE! I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!"

Yai yelped and ran away from Dex, "DEX GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU HAVE BEAR PEE ON YOU!"

***On a boat***

Chaud and Raika were sitting together with their eyes bloodshot like they had not slept for days. In front of them were naked, hairy, pirates. Even worse, what they were holding in their hands were the pirates' clothes. One of the pirates yelled, "Make sure you wash those clean! We haven't washed them in 3 years!"

Both of them threw up in their mouths but swallowed their vomit. They had to suck it up until they found a chance to escape.

***In a cave***

Lan and Mayl were walking deep into the dark caverns of the cave, away from the entrance. "Lan walk faster! And quit tripping! This is the 23rd time you've tripped! This isn't an anime where you'll trip and I'll fall into your arms!"

"I'm not doing it on purpose," Lan lied. "And why have you been counting how many times I've tripped?"

Mayl blushed, "I don't! I'm…. guestimating."

Soon, the two of them walked into a lighted area. Both of them gulped. Lan asked, "Not to ask a stupid question but… these aren't ghosts right?"

"N-no. But these are bugs. They have bioluminescent activity so they're glowing in the dark. Eek! There are so many disgusting bugs!"

Lan sighed, "Alright. That's not so bad. Don't worry Mayl. I'll protect you. They won't crawl into your ear."

Lan whistled and nonchalantly wrapped his arms around Mayl. Mayl smiled and felt warmer. She would've liked to knock him down a few pegs but she enjoyed his warm embrace. Lan continued, "Yup. I've taken down so many darkloids. Nothing can possibly scare me. EEEKKK!"

Lan immediately withdrew himself from Mayl and started patting himself. Mayl stepped away from Lan, curious as to what happened. "Lan?"

"There's a bug! Under my clothes!"

He pulled off his sweatshirt and shirt. Mayl saw a glowing critter on his back, but it fell down to his lower spine before it crawled into the crevice of what Mayl assumed to be his butt crack. Mayl blushed madly, but surprisingly, Lan wasn't done. Out of sheer panic, Lan pulled down his pants and underwear. Mayl saw shades of Lan's naked body. She could see the shadow of his butt crack. When he turned around, the red head widened her mouth when she saw the unusually long glowing worm wrapping itself around Lan's genitalia.

Lan delicately used two fingers to pull the worm off his penis, making sure that he didn't get any bug juice on his skin, and threw it to the side. He fell down on his butt, legs sprawled open and knees in the air before wiping his forehead. "Phew."

Lan opened his eyes and realized what had just transpired. He yelped and covered himself. Both of them apologized to each other before Lan pulled on his clothes. The two of them continued their trek into the darkness, several feet away from each other to avoid any awkwardness.

***The White Haired Couple***

The pirate crew finally arrived at the island and docked at a cove. Chaud and Laika looked around, amazed at the pirates' base. It was huge. The pirates started carrying crates and boxes off the ship, still walking around bare. They looked at each other and nodded. When no one was looking, they sneaked their way to the steering room.

Both of them turned around when they heard a scream. They saw a pirate falling down from the top of a cliff. One of the pirates yelled, "Hey! There are two brats over there! Get them!"

Chaud and Laika ignored the pirates hollering as they ran in that direction and continued heading towards the steering room. Once it was secured, Laika ran to the port of the ship and pointed cannons at the pirates before shooting at them. Chaud yelled in terror, "WOAH! What are you doing!?"

"Tactical strategy. Kill your enemies when you have the chance."

"Hey! Those brats are stealing our ship!"

Chaud managed to pull the ship out of the port before taking the ship away.

***A few minutes earlier***

Lan and Mayl reached the end of the tunnel and reached an actual lighted area with a bunch of boxes. "Woah, what is this area," asked Lan.

Mayl opened a box and widened her eyes. "Lan! Look!"

In front of her was a box filled with gold, jewelry, and other riches. Lan ran over and dropped his jaws. They opened more boxes and found that all these boxes were filled with booty. They started looking around and saw that they were now in a huge cave, filled with boxes and mining materials. "What is all this," Lan asked once more.

"Lan. Look!"

Mayl pointed to a ship that was docking at the harbor. Lan widened his eyes, "Holy… shit. Is that what I think it is?"

Mayl nodded. "Yea…. I didn't think they existed!"

"It's a pirate ship full of bear pirates!"

Mayl sweatdropped. "Well… you're two-thirds right."

"Hey. What are you two brats doing here."

Lan and Mayl turned and found themselves faced with a huge and very hairy naked pirate. Like… he was so hairy he looked like he was wearing a fur coat for which PETA would rank him as the number one enemy to animals. Mayl screamed, "KYAA!" and covered her eyes while kicking him over the boxes.

The pirate screamed as he plummeted from the huge drop. It was then that Lan realized they on the second level of this base of operations. "Mayl! The bears are headed this way!"

Lan grabbed Mayl's hand and jumped down to the first level before running away from the "bears". "RAWWRRRRR," yelled the pirates as they chased the couple.

When Lan saw that they were about to catch up, he yelled, "Mayl! We won't be able to outrun them. Go on without me! I'll hold them back for as long as possible!"

"Lan! Don't be an idiot! You won't even be able to hold them for two seconds!"

"Don't worry Mayl. If those two seconds are enough to save you, then it'll be worth it."

"Lan…" Mayl said softly as tears formed from her eyes.

Lan stopped as Mayl continued running. She turned around as she was running and looked at Lan facing the hoard of pirates running towards him. Mayl sniffled as she thought about how manly Lan looked as he took a fighting stance and how much manlier he would've grown up to be.

Lan gave a battle cry and yelled, "COME AT ME! KAAAA"

"Wait. That's his battle cry?"

"MAYYYYYY"

"Is he saying my name?"

"HAAAAAA"

"Now he's laughing out of insanity?"

"MAYYYYYY"

"Wait a minute…"

"HAAAAAA!"

Mayl fell to the floor and yelled, "YOU'RE GOING TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE USING A FICTIONAL TECHNIQUE?"

To Mayl's surprise, the pirates exploded as a cannonball hit them. Lan stood there dumbfounded. The pirates stopped chasing Lan and Mayl and screamed, "That kid knows how to use the kamehameha!"

Lan laughed, "Hey! I actually did it!"

Mayl broke out of her speechlessness and yelled, "Lan! Let's go! While they're distracted!"

Lan turned around and ran. The two of them grabbed some snowmobiles and drove away from the base, with Lan driving the vehicle and Mayl sitting behind him, hugging him. She glanced in the direction of a mountain where smoke was coming from and dismissed it as she was too busy enjoying glomping Lan.

***At the smokey mountain***

Yai and Dex huffed and puffed as they finally reached the top of the mountain. "Woah. What happened here," asked Dex.

Yai shrugged, "I don't know. I figured this must've been some area that got destroyed or that plane that got shot down. In either case, we can salvage some supplies here before we start walking around and freeze our butts off. Start digging around and see if you can find anything useful."

The two of them started picking up debris and throwing it aside.

"Uggghhhh. Help… me…"

Yai and Dex looked around and saw that the voice was coming from a person stuck under part of a concrete structure. They looked at each other before running over to help him out. The middle aged man cried, "Thank you. Thank you so much" as he was pulled out of the rubble.

He gasped, "Miss Yai?"

"Yea… umm…. Do I know you?"

"I'm one of your employees here! Am I so glad to see you! Are you here to take us home?"

"No… I was shot down from my plane. Take you home? Explain what's going on here! Why are you so scared? Who shot that missile?"

The man gulped, "Well…. About that missile… bleghh."

His face landed on the snow as he passed out, but in reality he was faking it. _I better just pretend I'm dead. If Miss Yai knew that we shot her plane down…. Oh man. She might shave me bald._

Dex scoffed, "Well that was weird. Hey Yai look!"

Dex pointed at a snowmobile. The two of them walked over to it and turned it on. "Cool it works!"

That man lifted his face out of the ground. "Wait! Please take me with you!"

Yai yelped and grabbed a shovel before hitting him over the head with it, "Eek! A zombie!"

The man moaned, "Aiiiii. I can take you two to the factory where we produce your toys Miss Yai."

Dex and Yai looked at each other, nodded, and decided to try and fit all three of them to the snowmobile before driving away as the sun set.

***With Chaud and Laika***

The two of them stopped the ship and anchored it several miles away from the island. Laika instructed, "Alright. So we'll take a good night's rest here before heading on to the island tomorrow to try and find a way home."

The two tried and find a place to sleep, but when they thought about the horrible hygiene of the pirates and how disgusting their bare bodies were, the decided to sleep while sitting up. At night, Laika turned to Chaud and noticed that he was shivering. Laika himself was cold too. _Ugh. Son of a bitch._

He scooted closer to Chaud and wrapped his arms around him. Chaud widened his eyes and stood up. "Hey. What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

"You think I want to do this? This is the only way we're going to stay warm," yelled Laika.

After a moment's pause, Chaud grumbled as he sat down and snuggled with Laika. Both of them said to each other, "Tell anyone about this, and I'll kill you."

***End***

I'm going to end the chapter here just because it's getting long. Hopefully I finish this by the end of January! Review pls!


	4. The Night Before the Sleep

Chapter 4: Can You Feel the Love Tonight? I can't.

After several hours of traveling in the snow, Lan and Mayl saw a well lit area and headed in that direction. To their relief, they found a place to stay at- "Dead Man's Inn", the sign with which the words were imprinted hanging by a nail. Both of them looked at the run-down shack with a lot of broken wood and a half-skeleton, half-corpse body hanging from the second floor with vultures pecking at his eyeballs. Rats could be seen crawling out from under the floors. Lan and Mayl looked at each other and gulped. They had no choice but to reside here for the night.

They walked in, which was pretty easy considering that the door fell down when they touched it. They rang the receptionist's bell, to which a parrot suddenly yelled, "Rawrk. Security! Security!"

Mayl grabbed Lan's hand, "I'm having second thoughts about this."

Lan blushed and squeezed her hand hard. "Don't worry. I'll protect you from anything."

Mayl stared at Lan in the eyes, "Thanks. You're one of a kind, Lan."

"Hi. Sorry about that. I was making sure all the dead bodies were buried properly." Lan and Mayl turned to a handsome blond with messy hair and deep, aqua blue eyes. He was about a quarter of a foot taller than Lan and had luscious peach lips and pale white skin

Mayl shoved Lan to the side and placed her elbows on the counter, "Oh nothing to worry about. We were just admiring this beautiful hotel you had. Hi, I'm Mayl Sakurai."

The boy smiled, "Thanks. I'm Lucas. How can I help you?"

Mayl stared into his eyes, "You can start by telling me more about yourself."

"Uhm… my name is Lucas… I'm a receptionist at a hotel."

Lan got up and shoved Mayl aside, "Can we get two rooms please?"

"I'm sorry we only have one."

Mayl got back into the scene and pushed Lan, "That's okay. Lan can take the room, and you can show me where you sleep."

"Uhm… sorry. I have to stay up all night to make sure the guests are all well taken care of."

Lan covered Mayl's mouth, "One room is fine then."

" Are you guys a couple?"

The both of the scoffed and chuckled nervously, "No way! We're not a couple."

"Really. That's a shame. Our only room left is the deluxe suite which is reserved for couples."

"We're married," Lan blurted.

Mayl gave Lan a stern look before saying slowly, dying with each word, "Yes… we're…. married."

"Oh? Congratulations. When did you guys get married?"

Both of them replied with different answers. "Last week." "Last year."

The couple looked at each other and continued. "At a chapel in the woods." "At the beach."

Mayl chuckled nervously, "Well. It's not important how long we've been married and where we did the ceremony. All that matters is that we're together and in love. I'm sure a handsome married man like you understands right?"

Lucas smiled, "Actually I'm single."

Mayl gave a fake gasp, "Oh no. Really? Now how can that be?"

"Well… being in the North Pole gets pretty lonely and not many great people come up."

Lan shoved Mayl aside once more. "Yea yea. Cool story bro. Can we get the key to our room now?"

"Oh right. Here you go."

Mayl grabbed Lucas's biceps. "Oh I'm sorry. Your hand isn't here."

Lan's eyebrows twitched as he reached out and grab the key. He pulled Mayl. "Come on Cinderella."

As Lan tugged Mayl away, Lucas yelled, "Please make sure you enjoy our pool. Towel and swimwear and provided.

The two of them finally reached their room which was surprisingly big and nice. There was a luxurious bathroom with a glassed shower stall and a crystal sink. The toilet was made of marble, as was the floor that they were walking on. There was a wall-sized TV and several chandeliers over their heads lighting up the whole room. The one downside was that there was only one bed- one heart-shaped bed center of the TV.

Lan wrapped his arm around Mayl. "Well. It looks like we're going to share a bed like a married couple."

Mayl blushed and pushed him away. "Uhm. No thanks. You're going to take the floor."

"What? Hell no! You're taking the floor!"

"You're going to make a girl sleep on the floor? What kind of husband are you?"

"The type that doesn't appreciate his wife flirting with some stranger she barely met!"

Mayl stuttered, "Wh-wh-what? I wasn't flirting! I was just having a pleasant conversation!"

"Oh really? Then what was with the pursed lips and big googly eyes you were giving him?"

"That's just my normal face."

"And the 'oh. Your hand isn't here' thing?" Lan retorted as he grabbed her biceps, sneaking a feel at the side of her breasts.

Mayl punched Lan. "I was dizzy! To fix that I need a good shower," she said as she ran towards the bathroom.

Lan scoffed, "Sure. I'll go and explore the hotel. Make sure you don't take up all the hot water woman."

After Mayl entered the bathroom, Lan looked around the room. There wasn't much to do obviously. He saw the TV but figured that he could watch it later when he came back from exploring. Lan saw a closet and opened it to find that there was a wide assortment of clothes in there. Two bathrobes, one pink and one blue, some sets of lingerie and male thongs, and some swimwear. Lan drooled as he pictured Mayl in some of those lingerie but quickly snapped out of it and grabbed a speedo.

He walked over to the bed while stripping off his sweatshirt and his white t-shirt. He unbuckled his belt and pulled down his black pants and his blue boxer-briefs with Megaman's emblem decorating it before grabbing the black speedo with green stripes. At that unfortunate moment, Mayl opened the door and squeaked. Lan yelped and used the speedo to cover himself. "You're still here," yelled Mayl.

"What do you mean I'm still here! It's only been two minutes! I'm leaving! I'll be at the pool" Lan quickly pulled on the speedo and left the room.

* ** On a boat ***

Chaud was walking along the halls of a boat, shimmering in spectacular lighting that decorated the white hall with golden, yellow light. The blinding sunlight further illuminated the hallway that Chaud was walking down. He walked to a huge door which opened by itself as he approached it. Chaud once again marveled at the size of the titanic ship as he walked down a spiral staircase. When he approached its end, he saw a person in a long white wedding dress holding a bouquet of white flowers. Chaud looked at himself and saw that he had on a groom's tuxedo and vest. He grabbed the person's shoulder and asked, "Excuse me. What's going on here?"

Chaud jumped back when he saw that the person turned to him, revealing himself to be Lan who was wearing red lipsticks and eyelash extensions and had on very white makeup. "Lan?"

"Hi Chaud. Looks like I'll have to suck your dick after all."

"What the hell are you talking about? What the fuck is going on?"

"I blew up your plane Chaud."

"You motherfucker!"

"Yes Chaud. I fucked your mom too."

Chaud grabbed Lan by the throat and strangled him, but it didn't appear to have an effect. "I'm going to kill you asshole!"

"How can you kill me when you're the one on a boat that has no person manning the helm?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember? You're on a boat. No one is steering it. You're going to hit an iceburg and sink with the ship. You're going to die an young man, alone in the icy sea. Ha ha ha. Mua ha ha. A HA HA HA HA HA," laughed Lan evilly as the room started to shake.

Chaud gasped as he woke up. He jolted and tried standing up, but bumped his head on the steering wheel and fell back asleep to find himself face to face with Lan in the darkness once again. Lan continued, "Worse of all. I'll never suck your dick!"

Chaud woke up once again and screamed, "LAN, I'LL KILL YOU!"

Chaud looked around and realized that it was just a twisted nightmare he was having. He sighed and looked to his side and found Laika lying on his shoulder. Chaud screamed and punched Laika straight in the face. Laika coughed and groaned, "What the hell!"

Chaud breathed heavily and regained his composure after remembering everything that they went through. "S-sorry. I had a nightmare."

Laika mocked, "Oh. Did Chawd have a scawy dweam?"

"Shut up! If you had my nightmare you wouldn't be so calm either!"

"What? Did you have a nightmare of Lan refusing to suck your dick?"

"N- NO! I had a dream of the ship sinking!"

"Well. Lucky for us. It was just a drea-"

The ship shook and interrupted their thoughts. Chaud and Laika looked at each other. When they heard a creak, they ran outside to see that the ship had hit an iceberg. Laika ran to the back of the ship and yelled, "What the hell? We anchored!"

He looked at the chain where the anchor was and saw that rust had caused the chain holding the anchor to break. "Son of a bitch! These pirates are good for nothing!"

He ran to the front of the boat where he saw that Chaud was getting on a small canoe and lowering himself. "Hey! What the hell!"

Chaud yelled back, "Sorry! This only has space for one person. So the more important person has to live!"

Laika jumped onto the small boat and yelled, "Yea right. You'd die within the hour!"

Chaud was pulled up by Laika. "Hey! Get off! You going to get us killed!" The both of them looked up and saw that the rope holding the canoe ripped, sending the two of them plunging to the icy water.

Both of them climbed on the boat and shivered. Laika climbed on the boat, which immediately flipped over. Laika floated back to the surface and saw that Chaud had flipped the boat. Chaud yelled, "Back off! This is my boat!"

Chaud climbed on and found that the boat once again flipped. Laika climbed on and kicked Chaud in the face. "You wouldn't last two minutes on the island!"

Chaud flipped the boat once more and climbed on, "Which is why I should get the boat! You'll be able to swim to the island better than me, thus ensuring both of us lives!"

Laika threw a fish at Chaud, knocking him overboard. "Yea right! I can see that you're just being selfish!"

The two of them continued this cycle for a long while.

*** Back at the hotel ***

"Ahh, what a great swim," said Lan as he approached the door to his room. "Huh. Shit. I forgot my keys. I wonder if Mayl is finished showering… it's been 50 minutes. If she isn't finished yet, she better have drowned or something… then maybe I can give her CPR!"

He knocked on the door. After a moment's pause, he knocked on the door again. When he was about to call out Mayl's name, the door opened to reveal Mayl wearing a pair of pink lingerie. "Hi cutie- OH MY GOD! LAN!"

Lan's eyes widened, "MAYL?"

Mayl looked at Lan's eyes and further down and saw that he was wearing a brief-like speedo that was halfway down his hips to reveal the start of his penis, which was very visible due to the tightness of the speedo and became even more apparent when it started to grow.

Mayl shrieked and punched Lan in the face, slamming the door shut. A few seconds later, Mayl opened the door wearing a bathrobe and said, "Sorry Lan. I forgot I was changing."

Lan was grabbing his bleeding nose, while sitting on the floor, legs wide open without bothering to hide his erection. "Changing? It looked more like you were expecting someone to come."

"What? That's preposterous. I mean… yea I was waiting for you to come back!"

"Really? Wearing that seductive wear? You would not do that for me!"

"What are you talking about? That's just my underwear."

"No you don't! You wear cotton underwear with your bra hook on the back! And that lingerie was made of silk and none of your underwear is made of silk!"

Disregarding Lan's knowledge of Mayl's underwear choice, she retorted, "I'm… experimenting!"

Before Lan could say anything else, Lucas arrived asking, "Uhm… Meiru? Did you ask for room service?"

Lan and Mayl turned towards Lucas, Lan with discontent and Mayl with big sparkly eyes. She immediately undid the belt on her robe, letting her lingerie and smooth skin show to whoever was in front of her. Leaning against the door, Mayl said, "Oh hi Lucas. It's Mayl. I was wondering if you could bring over some wine and chocolate."

Lucas eyed Mayl up and down and saw Lan looking at him with anger. He gulped, "Yea. Sure. I'll make sure you and your husband have a wonderful night."

"What husband," Mayl asked without a care.

"Uhm… the one right behind you?"

"Oh right! That one. Yes."

After a long awkward pause, Lucas excused himself, "Ok. I'll be back with your wine and chocolate."

Mayl giggled, "Thanks sweetie. Take your time."

She immediately tied up her belt and looked at Lan who was walking away with his speedo halfway down his butt. Mayl blushed at the sight of his butt moving up and down as he stomped to the bathroom to take a shower.

*** Back at a secret base ***

Yai and Dex finally arrived at the toy factory, the old man having fell away somewhere in the snow, lost without anyone noticing. The two walked into the factory with a bunch of employees bowing to Yai as she walked in. A nameless employee came up to Yai and asked, "Hi Ms. Ayano. What brings you to your base up north this evening?"

"I'm looking for a toy that this baboon can give a Mayl to please her."

"Oh of course. I'd be happy to show him a few toys he could give Ms. Sakurai. Is there anything else you need?"

"Yea. Get a room set up for me to sleep and an airplane to take me home tomorrow morning."

"Yes ma'am."

Dex followed the man while Yai walked up to her room. The man smiled as he walked Dex around the factory, "So here are some action figures of Lan Hikari, both in his crossfused and uncrossfused forms. I believe Ms. Sakurai has a crush on Mr. Hikari."

"NO SHE DOESN'T," Dex yelled. "Get me a toy that will win her heart over to me!"

"Okay. How about this life-sized Lan doll that Ms. Ayano was making? It's pretty much a lifeless clone of Mr. Hikari with realistic skin and a penis."

"NOTHING LAN-RELATED!"

*** Back at the hotel ***

"Here is your wine and chocolate Mayl."

"Thanks Lucas. Would you like to join-"

"Okay. Thanks. Bye," Lan said as he slammed the door shut.

Mayl yelled, "Ugh! What is your problem! Can you be nice to him for like two seconds?"

"Nope."

Mayl glared at Lan as he walked to bed wearing a white shirt and his black pants. "Come on. Let's go to sleep so we can start moving again tomorrow."

Mayl frowned as she got on the opposite end of the bed and lied down wearing the lingerie and her bathrobe.

*** At the shores ***

Chaud and Laika continued pushing each other off the canoe even as they approached the shore of the beach. They only stopped when a huge pirate pulled them apart from each other. "Here here. What are you boys doing fighting each other?"

Chaud and Laika looked at the pirate and gasped. The pirate looked at both of them and laughed, "What's the matter? Are you two scared of me because I'm a pirate? You have nothing to worry about. I'm Captain Greybeard, and I only kill people who hurt my crewmates."

"Captain," another pirate yelled, "We have word that our ship arrived at the base! We should go and meet them."

The captain nodded, "Alright. Let's go." He looked over at Chaud and Laika and said, "You two boys are freezing! You would die by the time we reach our base. Tell you what. We set up a campfire over there under a cave. Why don't you two stay there and warm up. We'll be back tomorrow night."

The boys nodded and realized that the captain didn't know about their attack on the base yet. When Captain Greybeard left and the two were in the cave huddled around a campfire, Chaud asked, "What do we do now?"

Laika shivered as he replied, "We should stay here for a few hours and dry up. Once we're warm, we should leave as soon as possible."

Laika pulled off his clothes and got naked. Chaud widened his eyes, "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Our clothes will dry a lot quicker this way."

After a few minutes of debating, Chaud reluctantly pulled off his clothes too and placed them near the fire. The two of them glanced at each other before looking away… this was going to be a long night.

Chapter end

A/N Thank you kind guest for reviewing. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Please review! It motivates me to update faster! :D


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